Lights, Camera, Toupee Action!

July 21st, 2011

Not sure if you know this about Ryan's mother, Ang....she is a freaky, picture-taking-happy person. "Oh his first toe nail clipping 'click!'... oh, he is wearing the same outfit as last Thursday  'click!'....oh he is a day older 'click!'" I am not exaggerating. She is a nut case! If there was a support group for wasted mega-pixels, she would need a sponsor or three. What is more, she is not good at taking pictures. Too blurry, "what is white balance?" or she turns the camera sideways in order to get the entire world in the shot. Of course she is not the one editing these shots or the one that has to rotate that pics clockwise for one picture or counter-clockwise times two for the next shot. She reminds me of Austin Powers, "yeah baby, work it...give me a smile..all in here, okay you're a lemur...give me a growl..okay now look this way, NO! not here, look over there...aaaand I'm spent, GOOD SHOOT EVERYBODY!" In reality the only thing that she achieves is a confused baby who is one step closer to realizing his mommy is craaAAAZzzyy and a husband that dreads the camera download. 
Now blaming Ang for consuming all the memory in our external hard drive is not fair. I do have my fair share of blame, but mine are well thought out and it's understood that I am capturing the moment, not the entire space/time continuum.  I would also not be fair unless I threw his other family members under the bus.  I would like to thank Krista and Mandy.....my sister and her girlfriend...Ashley and Tami...want me to keep going? These ladies in Ryan's life are just fuel to this fire and I see no end any time soon. We entered Ryan in the baby contest at the County Fair (along with Brody) and I bet we had pictures from 6 different vantage points. They had more people taking pictures of them than George Clooney at the Oscars. The aforementioned snap-happy sirens are at every event, cook-out, bath time, baby sitting and breath of these kid's life- luring these poor dudes in with their rattles and squeaky toys just to get them to look at them for a picture. They think everything Ryan and Brody do is just the cutest. Well they may be right, but something has to be said about the repercussions of their actions. Think about the damage to their eyes from the flashes or the affect it could have on their egos. Ryan's head is already ninety-seven percentile so giving him a bigger head isn't necessary. 
I know what you are thinking- Chris, you are posting him all over the Internet and have a freaking blog all about him. All of your Facebook friends could pick him out of a line-up and he has fans in England and Japan. Further Chris, you have entered him in a baby contest and now his face is plastered in the paper. Well all that may be true and you all make a good point, but I have to say it is all about quality, not quantity.  I truly love my new muse. He is so fun to work with, write about, draw and photograph. He gives my creativity an outlet and I get to share him with everyone else via those mediums. We have family in Wisconsin, Alabama, Texas, Florida and friends all over this great country, so this blog and Facebook are a good way to let them see how he is growing up and what he is doing. That is my argument and it trumps the 800 pictures of his first sock that Ang has consuming our memory....not to mention she will never look at that picture again. 
The county fair was a great experience for Ryan and us because he was able to do it with his Cousin Brody. All of his Aunts, cousins and honorary Aunts filled the cattle barn with flashes and "awww's". Yes, Brody was freaking hilarious in his Lumberjack beard with a rick of wood and Ryan woo'ed the judges as a Baby Toupee salesman and yes the picture in the paper will be a memory to pull out of the picture box years from now and yes I understand we will have to send them to therapy because of it all. Something inside me says, who cares, he is only a baby once and we want to capture everything. There is also a part of me that says too much of anything is not good. Whatever the answer is I know that Ryan is a lucky dude for these people. Capturing these times is very important to all of us. Capturing history...and diaper changes is a great part of who we are as family. Everyone loves to look back at old pictures, especially when you can see if your kid has a resemblance to your old pictures. As for Ryan, I think in the future, when he is sitting around with his wife and wonders what his first fingernail clipping looked like he will be so thankful that his mother will have it in external hard drive 14, Gallery 312, Subsection B, Pictures 801-962. (click!)

Permission to Speak Freely, Rrrrrrrr!

July 5th, 2011

"Mrs. Steeno! This is the Chief and we need your son immediately! There is a situation downtown that we need to get to pronto, but it is rush hour. The streets are jammed with folks on their way home."  "Well, I'm not sure, he hasn't had his bottle yet and he..." Ang started to say before the Chief interjected.  "Ma'am, not to be rude or interrupt, but this is a matter of emergency, we need Ryan now!" Ang held the phone to her chest as to mute the receiver and sighed at the freshly prepared bottle in her hand, obviously frustrated at the untimely request by the Fire Chief. She looks over at the her son playing in his bouncy chair, wondering how this laughing baby, ever become involved into such important and heroic work? As she was pondering this question and started to drift to the beginning, her dream bubble burst by the muffled voice of Chief Pattudy. "Mrs. Steeno, please...Mrs. Steeno are you there?" "Yes, I'm here and Ryan will be ready by the time you get here." After a short pause she started to speak again, "Chief Pattudy, please take good.." Sensing the concern and apprehension in her voice the fire Chief cut in, "Mrs. Steeno, rest assured, he is in good hands. I have ten of my best and bravest men riding in the trucks today. He is safer with us than anywhere in the county and that includes the 'Made in China' bouncy chair he's always sitting in." Trying to add humor to his reassurances was never Chief Seymor Pattudy's strong suit. One of the benefits of living in this community, is that everyone knows the Chief and knows he means well.  Her thumb hit 'End Call' and thought to herself as she walked across the room toward Ryan, only one more week and we won't have to do this anymore. She set the phone down on the coffee table as she knelt down to Ryan in his bouncy chair. He looked up with is sweet eyes and gave her a big laughing smile. She picked him up, carried him over to a what looks like a red cage engulfing a harnessed nesting chair on a swivel. Ang opened the metal cage door and locked the swivel chair in place. In a sequence of automatic latching systems the harness retracted back and the seat rocked into the lay back position. Once the contraption was locked and ready, Ang lowered Ryan into the seat. After closing the cage door, it synced the nesting chair to strap him into place with restraints rolling over his shoulders and across his chubby belly. Finally strapped in, a fastening gantry pulled up from between his roly-poly thighs creating the final 'Click' Ang was listening for to ensure all is correct. Almost on queue there was a knock on the door. Three men stood in the doorway alongside Chief Pattudy. "All secure ma'am?" asked the chief. With an approving nod, the men went into action as if this were a standard operating procedure. Checking the cage, inspecting the straps they started transporting it towards the door. Once outside, the men then lifted the cage to a mechanical arm which in turn connected the cage to the top of the giant red fire engine. Just before the the contraption was lifted up, an officer ran out of the house yelling them to STOP. He knelt next to Ryan's cage and attached his favorite stuffed striped horse with the dangling feet. The officer ran squeezed his chubby cheek and resealed the cage. Almost as if he was just switched to ON, Ryan immediately started to kick and giggle. As all mothers do, Ang watched with concern - arms half crossed and chewing in the top of her index finger.  Observing the mothers unease, Chief walked over to Ang, "Ma'am, he's fine up there. We could drive off a cliff and that cage would be fine and I bet Ryan would be laughing all the way down."  Realizing he just did it again, the Chief made a mental note to work on his consoling practices. Man, I am 0 for 2 today.  

     Using a baby for a siren is unconventional, thought the Chief riding in the jumper seat on Engine 4. He was taught at a young age by his Grandmother, when life gives you scraps, you make a quilt.  As he watched his number one guy weave the 8 ton engine in and out of traffic he thought back to three weeks ago to the day. Blindfolding his mind he drifted to this particular day because it brought a huge storm of that damaged much of the community, including the fire station. For a community like this, it was devastating, but nothing that hindered spirits.....

          Just so you know I have a entire story written out, but I figured this entry could get pretty lengthy and I would never have a chance to let you know the true inspiration of this story. Let's just say Ryan has discovered his vocal cords and is now exercising his First Amendment right to free speech, even if it is full of goo's, ahhh's and Rrrrrrr's! The boy went from Mr. Giggles to non-stop talking and sounds. When he actually discovers words, look out! 

          They always say that the key to a good speaker is not the content of his speech, but the timing of his delivery. Ryan has reversed that theory and has impeccable "un-" timing. On Sundays during church, Pastor Kim always prefaces the Morning Prayer with, "Be still and know that I am God" and then she goes on to start the prayer in silence and reverent stillness. Now, this is usually my favorite part of church service because it is a discipline. To practice obedient silence or stillness.....very monk-like. I like to reflect on the week, think about the people I may have wronged or pray for folks that need help. I sink into a peaceful state. Pastor Kim then goes on to deliver the best prayer that covers everyone here at home and the adversities across the globe. Unfortunately Ryan has no clue what discipline, silence or stillness mean. This prayer is his queue to work on his impression of a pterodactyl and kick at nothing from his car seat. Real nice timing Ryan! I look at Ang as if to say,  can you believe someone is letting their kid do that in church, let alone during silence and reverent stillness? Sometimes we look around like it is someone else's kid. After church we will talk to folks and say, "Can you believe that loud kid during the service? Someone should take him out and put him in the daycare. I mean, those are some baa-aad parents. They should take a lesson from Ang and I, just look at our boy, he is a perfect.." Just then Ryan will let out a familiar screeching pterodactyl laugh...Crap! I don't think folks at church mind too much because at Pastor Boles' house, they were making comments that it doesn't bother them and how it is a welcomed sound in the church to hear kids. The congregation is a family and kids are part of a family. Plus, if they all minded too much, I doubt all the ladies would flock to our pew after church. Sometimes I will look up from talking to someone and Ryan will be six women deep down the aisle. It is the church mother's "pass-around" routine to get their chubby baby fix for the week - can't blame 'em!

          There have been many situations over the past month or so that will secure Ryan into the Loudest Baby Hall Of Fame, but I don't want to bore you with the details about car ride banter, morning waking conversations with himself, dirty diaper dialect, Beekman talks or even the talking while having a bottle in his mouth, but I will fill you in on a good story about Ryan and Brody's first 4th together. Every year Aunt Cathy (well Krista's Aunt Cathy, but everyone has called her Aunt Cathy since we were in school) has a 4th party. I remember shooting bottle rockets at each other out in the street with Travis, Perm and Kramer. Man,  I hope that is not Ryan and Brody 18 years from now. Anyway, during this year's fireworks over at Aunt Cathy's, I swear we could hear Ryan over the booming explosions. As Snider and Wood were setting themselves on fire as well as some fireworks, Ryan and Brody just hung out and watched.  I think Ryan tried to match the screaming of the whistler part of Snider and Wood's Firework Extravaganza. As always Brody would just chill as if he is too cool for school. Just before we went to Cathy and Wood's for the show we went out for pizza with Brandon, Krista, Shai and Brody, meeting Michelle, Bryce and Kyns. The poor waitress tried on two separate occasions to speak, but was overpowered by Ryan's playful squeals. Zip it Ryan, geez - you don't see Brody acting a fool!

          I really love that he is developing into this funny little man. He has been an absolute riot to watch grow. Sometimes I forget that he is just 6 months old and he doesn't know right from wrong, inappropriateness or that certain situations and actions can make you blush. That is what is so neat about kids at this age, the pureness (is that a word?) We will continue to document his royal loudness and show it to him one day when he is quiet in his room, too cool for Mom and Dad. Remember when you used to laugh ever time your mother coughed? This is when you were bouncing in your bouncy chair and would get so freaking excited I think you'd wet yourself. Oh well, like I always end these entries, I guess I will just enjoy his loudness and constant laughter while I can. One day he is going to be too old (or cool) to be the siren on top of the fire truck that is no doubt on its way to put out Snider and Wood.







Visit Say Cheese and see some of the 4th of July pictures