Unusual Weather We're Having, Ain't It?

May 25th, 2011

A tribute to the tornado victims of the Midwest
Recent events remind me of The Wizard of Oz. Sure without the green, pardon me, emerald towers and witches, but the movie none-the-less. I am not sure what part of the world you live, but it seems that tornadoes are synonymous with the movie where I am from. It is no mistake that Dorothy is from Kansas because Baum knew that is tornado country. Over the past week there have been an ungodly amount of tornadoes sweep through the Midwest. The real Midwest, where corn grows and tornadoes flourish. This is where we raise our kids, this where I raise my kid....crap! Missouri, Oklahoma and now Indiana all hit with devastation. I wish the worst thing that would happen in a tornado event is we'd get swept off to a magical land and we can just click my heels to get home. I wish I was actually asleep, no one was hurt and the only damage was the door tore off the picket fence.  Welp, it doesn't happen that way partners. What we are left with after these things, absolute devastation. The weather peeps try and warn us, but just short of saying, "today is going to partly cloudy with a 80% chance of life altering devastation," the best they can do is radars, alerts and warning horns. God bless them for what they do or the death toll could be in the thousands.  

     I am sitting in my office, down the hallway, across from the bathroom. I am watching my wife sleep on the floor wrapped in a blanket next to Ryan, who is sleeping soundly strapped in his car seat. It is around 11pm and we are having the worst storms roll through. I am following intently on the the computer, surfing the different radars...zoom in...zoom out. I am also half watching the always cute Angela Buchman tell us the hot spots of the storm and reporting the damage. Meanwhile 20 miles to the south my friend Alayna and I are texting back and forth. I tell her the status of my household and she shares with me the same thing. She has a boy that is going to be on Ryan's soccer team in 3 years named Ben. He used to be a porker like Ryan but has since thinned out a bit, but he is four months older. In a text she said, "do you ever wonder if our kids think 'who ARE these people' at times like this?" I totally get what she is saying. She is right, I bet the boys were thinking, "I was sleeping in my bed and now I'm in my car seat in the bathroom with you, the (insert pet's name here) and all the blankets while daddy monitors the radar!" Funny if you think about it, but i would venture to say we are not alone in this 'tornado protocol' meaning there are probably lots of households doing the same thing. Just think if we acted like Dorothy we would carry our baby around outside while we see the twister off in the distance and just call for your aunt,  try to lure her out in the open and get sucked up in the vortex. Anybody else think it was stupid for Dorothy, with dog in tow, to go in the house and sit by the window? Heelllooo, we clearly saw the tornado coming in the distance. Times like this is when your fatherly instincts kick in and you make sure you do everything you can to keep your kid safe. I put Ryan in the car seat, strapped him in and when the thing finally got here I'd put him in the tub and throw a blanket over us. I figured if that car seat is good enough to keep him safe in my truck going 65mph, it is the best thing I have in this situation. Honestly, if you want my opinion, I would suggest a kit of some kind with bottles, formula/breast milk blankets, flashlight, batteries, radio, cell...you get the idea and put it all in a Tupperware bin. That way if you do get hit, the stuff is dry and together.....who knows if you end up somewhere over the rainbow you can hock your stuff to the Scarecrow and that puss of a lion to get to Oz instead of skipping with them down a yellow road. Could you imagine if the Lion had kids and was in the tornado? You saw how he acted when it snowed in the poppy field...."Unusual Weather We're Having, Ain't It?" and then he fell asleep. Meanwhile all the lion cubs would be sucked up in the twister - get a car seat Lion, geez!

    I couldn't imagine what it is like to have a big twister hit your house and see all your life spread across the neighborhood. My heart goes out to Joplin and like towns across the country. It is awful to have to rebuild your home, but to rebuild your community is just devastating. I put Ryan's wooden cross from the church in his car seat as he slept in the bathroom. I wish I had one big cross I could have put across Missouri, Oklahoma or Indiana this week. I guess the optimist in me keeps saying, "be thankful that is was not worse", but I hear the stories and it is hard to fathom "worse".  The sun always comes out after a storm and you can see a rainbow off in the distance succeeding the tornado. That is when the people come out and come together, reconnect and rebuild. Just when you think all hope is lost Midwesterners find the energy and the hope to go on and put things back in order. Great people can overcome great adversities. One day soon, after the rumble is cleared and the communities are back in gear, some dad will be pointing out a rainbow and tell the story of the tornado of 2011. Ryan is such a sweet thing, I would never want him to go through something like that, but I'd like to think if he did he would be strong like the folks of these towns. I'd also like to think if he did go through a tornado, he'd end up with the Munchkins for a spell. At least he would be able to come home and teach his old man how to tap dance while licking a giant lollipop!

Baby the Hutt, You're Our Only Hope!

May 14th, 2011

Dearest readers, I need your help. I have a problem and I don't know the best way to handle it due to the sensitivity of the subject. See, it is about someone I love most in the world, but I haven't known this person very long. This is why it is so important I do this right. I am not sure how sensitive he is yet and due to our new/"green" communication, I really don't want to damage our relationship. My problem is Ryan is adding some baby fat to his baby fat.  Okay, stop. I am not helping him if I can't be honest about it or if I sugar coat the issue, so, I just need to come out and say it - Ryan is faaaaat! I mean a real roly-poly. He looks like an opened can of biscuits with rubber bands wrapped on his arms and legs. He has the makings of a shar-pei puppy or it is like the Michelin Man had a kid and gave him to us. When he is waking in the morning and protrudes his triple chins during his stretches, he looks like Jabba the Hutt. I hope this snippet helps you see how serious this situation is and why I have to address it now rather than when it is too late. If I don't act now Michelle Obama may come take him from us and put him on a fat farm. Worse yet, she may tell Ang that she can no longer give Ryan a toy with his Boobie-Meal if she doesn't start producing skim-milk instead of her cheesecake lactate. Maybe in her childhood obesity program we can form a marriage with the Dr. Brown's bottle company. We can ask them to make a huge storage unit that holds the milk and filters the fat from the breast milk. This way when Ryan eats, he is just getting water or skim milk. Sounds genius to me.  I will get the ball rolling on that right away-maybe call it the Super Duper Lactate Shooter....a work in progress.
  As I try and face this head-on I feel that I am limited with my options. On one hand I want him to start losing weight, but I don't want to push him away. Maybe if he'd start working out more. Double his tummy time on the Beekman or longer bouts in the Bumbo to work more on his core . (hmm, I am now a poet) These however are not real fat burners so the fat won't just "melt away" like Dan Marino says in his South-Beach-Jenny-watchers ad. Hard-core workout? No dice, Ryan's legs are too much like jelly for the elliptical machine. Also, I am afraid if I tell him to do these things that I am not really teaching him to be self-motivator or learn to deal with challenges on his own? I guess my next option is that I could set up an intervention of sorts. Maybe gather Ang, Frankie, Azzie and Duckie (our cats) to sit him down and face this head on. Frankie can tell him that she just doesn't now him anymore and then start weeping. Azzie can tell Ryan how disappointed he is that Ryan is over eating, not leaving enough for the rest of the family. Maybe Duckie can give him pointers on how she retains her girlish figure year after year. Ang will tell him she is not jealous that he has Princess Leia hand feeding him grapes, now that she is chained to his crib (in perfect Jabba the Hutt fashion), rather he needs to stick to the breast milk. Maybe after this intervention he will see the error of his over eating and start a more figure-friendly diet.
  I just might need a better look at this.....a new perspective. Can being chubbers have its advantages. Let's look at TV and movies - would Tommy Boy be as funny if Chris Farley was skinny? How stupid would it be if Abbott and Castello were two skinny guys? Has Al Roker been as funny or entertaining since his gastric bypass surgery? Healthier yes, but not as entertaining. Outside of the big screen, there are big successful people that are chubby and seem to be doing just fine. Take Guy Fieri, he has two successful restaurants and five television shows (not to mention he is rocking some cool bleached spikes in his wig.) Greats like Joey Fatone, Homer Simpson, Oprah and Santa Claus are some other examples that you can rock the pudge and be just fine. So I guess there can be advantages to the chub, but Brad Pitt doesn't help my case here.
  I know what you are gonna say: Chris, Ryan is just a baby, he'll thin out. Will he? Well,  I need it to happen now. You guys don't have to carry him around. It is like carrying a wiggling, kicking, farting Thanksgiving turkey - not fun! Also, you all aren't giving him baths. I spend at least 15 extra minutes washing under each one of his fat rolls. I have to arch his back just to wash under his chin(s). No joke. Krista, my sis-in-law, told me to "floss" his neck with the wash cloth. Genius! Welp, I guess this is a battle he is just going to have to fight for himself. Should he really be snacking during the night? Should he tell his Mommy, "Hey I am not going to eat and then go straight to bed!" I joke and I kid around because the next time our little Baby the Hutt wants to eat, we'll say heck yeah, anything for you Mr. Chubbers.  I really don't care either way. Honestly, he isn't even that fat, just getting very chubby. It is funny to see considering how little he was just 3 months ago. Ryan is still the cutest baby on the planet (as all parents say) and I wouldn't want him any other way than how we have him. He is a perfect, handsome boy, just has a few more rolls and couple more chins. So no matter what, whether he is Al Roker or Brad Pitt he is still going get the toy in his happy-boobie meal and wash it down with the Dr. Brown's, Super Duper Lactate Shooter. 


See his pics at Say Cheese! and see how our corpulent cutie is filling out:)

Happy Mother's Day!

May 8th, 2011

The greatest miracle of all is the only way I can describe the birth of Ryan. Miracle? You may say that all births are miracles, and I understand. The birth itself is a miracle, but the story of Ryan getting here is the miracle. Since it is Mother's Day, I felt it only appropriate to honor the best woman I know and to explain the journey it took in order for Ang to even experience her first Mother's Day.  First, I must tell you that Ang is a wonderful, selfless person. She is truly the most genuine person I know. That makes this story all the more wonderful. 

We all know the story that Ang and I meet in math class in high school. I never knew that God put her there for a reason, but thank God. If I have ever done anything right (which I doubt there is much), it was never letting her get away. We were married in 1996 and went through a great journey through up's and down's. We have the best relationship. Even after almost 20 years I still look at her and just want to hug the crap out of her. (romantic, right?) I love her! Well in the summer of 2006 we found out we were pregnant and this was quickly followed by losing the baby. To top that we discovered that it was a molar pregnancy which had turned to Cancer in her uterus and rapidly spread to her lungs. I can remember the drive home the next day and getting the call from Dr.Hwang telling us the tests were positive and that Ang was going to need a heavy regiment of chemotherapy. I can't imagine how Ang felt at that time, but all I knew is this sweet wife of mine was scared. I soon found out just what a fantastic woman she is because she took this Cancer head on. What a bad ass: bald head- bring it on, sick nights- bring it on,  lose of feeling- bring it on!  There was the most scary episode in the October when the Cards won the World Series, her counts got alarmingly low and she was the the girl in the bubble for a week or so. She was a champ. After months and months of Chemo she was finally cleared. We lived the life for a while, she let her hair grow back out, she got fit and she was back on top of the world. A couple years later we had another ordeal similar to before, but without the heavy Chemo. Unable to grasp if these were happening because of trend or chance, we sought the advice of every doctor from the Midwest to the East Coast trying to figure if we should try and have kids again. Well the Spring of 2010 we found out we were pregnant again. Third times a charm, right? Well it turned out to be just that- not only was it a charm, but a freaking miracle. A true miracle in every since of the meaning. 

Ryan came to us January 23rd, 2011 and Ang became a mother. Ever since that day she has been the best mommy. It was like she was born to do be a mother, it just came natural. She and Ryan have the best time together. He just lights up when ever he sees her. Mommy!! When he came out they had an instant bond. She glowed and at that time I knew she finally felt complete (or something like that anyway.) The first few seconds with him and they were already playing.  The first thing she said was, "heello my baby boy, I am your Mommy."

When we were in the hospital room she never wanted him out of the room. No nursery for Ryan. She was gonna be with her bear cub the entire time and never out of her sight. 

Once we were home and she was on maternity leave, she and Ryan hung out ALL day long. They became best friends. She discovered her first challenge as a mother: Colic.  Ryan was a colic baby for the first month. Late nights, long days of crying and fussing. We couldn't seem to find the right remedy to cure this crying. Ang stayed up late rocking her baby boy hoping he'd sleep long enough for her to get some sleep too.

Ang found out that chores were still something that had to get done so she recruited one of the finest workers to help her with her laundry. Ang loves folding laundry (well that is what I say so I don't have to do it) He has been a big help around the house. Ang is doing great at multi-tasking.

One milestone in raising Ryan was his doctor visits and shots. During his first shots, I think Ang was more nervous than Ryan, mostly because he is clueless what is about to happen.  The doc gave him the poke in the leg he was crying and sad. The lioness comforted her cub as only she can. 

Ang has always loved babies and baby clothes. She had bought Ryan clothes before she even knew the gender. She gets the biggest kick out of dressing him up. Here is a great example her dressing the boy. She proudly displays him in his one-piece skunk suit. By the way, she lays his clothes out every night so she knows exactly how cute he is going to look the next day.

Carrying on traditions is important to teach Ryan. She has gone as far as to make sure he learns family traditions early. Ang and I have always gone to St. Louis Cardinals games in the summer and Packers games in the winter. She made sure that during the Super Bowl he was in his Packers onesie and last week she got him his first Cardinals hat. Go Cards! Go Pack Go! Go Mommy!

No matter what, I know Ang is going to continue to be a great mother. Ryan is always going to need his mommy, so I am glad that she want to be with him all the time. She deserves this so much. I don't throw that around loosely, deserve. She has really been a great mother and our little man is going to be a great person because of her.  I pray he grows up to get her smarts, her sense of humor, the ability to be practical and most of all her genuine love. I hope that he realizes one day what a miracle he actually is and what lengths a great mother will go through to deserve that miracle. Happy Mother's Day Boo!




(see "Say Cheese" to view pics of Ang's 1st Mother's Day)




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