Gotcha Where I Wantcha, Now I'm Gonna Eatcha

June 25th, 2011

click to enlarge

Something tells me that I am going to regret pushing Ryan to develop as fast as he can. Why is it that everything I wish for or have been doing to help turd-man develop has come back to bite me in the butt? For instance, when he was wailing during the Colic Era, I wanted nothing more than for him to stop crying. I could see he wanted to smile and laugh. Now, it is like he has no other emotions other than laughing and smiling. I miss the cute cries and necessity of comfort that could only come from his daddy or mommy.  I remember when I wanted him to be able to play without laying on his back. We bought a bouncy chair thingy with pull toys, and musical buttons...bells and whistles. When we bought it Ryan couldn't reach the base that springs him up and down to give him leverage to spin around freely. Now the dude is a freaking bouncy chair thingy pro. The downside is he doesn't pay attention to Ang and I anymore once he saddles up in his bouncy chair thingy. Ang will call his name, Ryan...Ryan....Bubbers!....Ryyyyyaaaaann!" Nothing. Dude finds his flashing lights and rubber elephant  more interesting than his mother and I - chopped liver. One more thing I thought of is how I couldn't wait until our corpulent kiddo moved to foods and cereal so he wouldn't need as much breast milk. Not that I don't want him to feast from the "Dairy Queen" (so elegantly named by Alayna Zimm's), I understand babies will not get better nutrients than that with breast milk. It is just that it is so hard on  Ang to pump at work and fit it in her schedule because she has such a demanding job. It is very trying on her to feed in the middle of the night, in her office, on the road and still be rested or focused enough to perform at her best.  She will never tell anyone this, but I can tell she is tired. Well, now she is pumping just under the amount needed for four feedings in a day while she is at work, so we started to supplement with Similac Organic pre-mixed formula. This eases some pressure from Ang in case she has to work late or out of town. The only draw-back is a big draw-back. His poop is smellier and now cleaning the bottles is a pungent enterprise.  Before Ryan's poo was yellow and not that stinky, but now on a bad day - WATCH OUT!!!!  Freaking stinky dude! Really it is not that bad, but bad enough to wish he was just on breast milk. 

The latest issue with Ryan developing has to do with his new ability to roll over, grab his toes, grab things and put everything he finds in his mouth. Granted I have been on a mission to work with developing Ryan's coordination and motor skills. My plan is something like this: feed himself by 3 months, talking by 6 months, dress himself by 7 months, walking by 8 months, balancing the checkbook by 9 months and driving by 12 months. This way he is self -sufficient and is able to take care of himself for the next 17 years. The payoff would be taking all the money we would have spent on daycare and put it aside for a college fund. It is possible I may have stretched the truth just now, a tad. Seriously though, i do work with him. For the longest time as I have fed him a bottle I would try to get him to hold his own bottle. He is a champ at it now. It is hilarious to watch because sometimes the bottle gets away from him and his lips try to draw it in like he can't breath without it. "I neeeed you bottle!" On the days he wants a pacifier, he will take it out and put it back in all on his own. Little freaky genius! In addition to teaching him to hold his own bottle, I would show him his feet. After a day he was grabbing those his piggy's and shoving them in his mouth. Dude, really? You want to eat your own feet? Ever since, he has been grabbing everything and trying to shovel it in his drooling yapper.  When he lays on the Beekman he pulls a figure four leg lock with the foam arches that hold the hanging toys and brings the toys towards his face so he can grab them like a venus fly trap and begin chewing on his prey. His favorite is the stuffed pig. Somehow that is the one animal that i am always trying to find, because he has ripped it off the arch. Cripes Ryan save some room for DQ later. On one of his outings at Aunt Mandy's (Mimi, too), she said he pulled her hair and pinched her with his toes. Good boy, show her who's boss! I can't take any credit for the toe skills, that is all his mama. Ang has a knack for grabbing things with her toes or even pinching me with her crazy monkey claws. She gets her pay back because now her son rips her earrings out as she is changing his clothes or at the changing station. 

It doesn't matter what we do, if something is within a few feet of him, he is on it like a Hungry Hippo.  He is truly like a venus fly trap or GI Joe kung fu grip because once he has it, he will not let it go. I have to constantly wipe down or wash the soccer ball Kelly from work gave him. He chews on it when he is in his car seat, stroller, bed time or just about anywhere. The funniest thing is he will hold it out in front of him with both hands, get crossed eyed, then quickly bring it in and chomp on it, like a cop on a doughnut. He reminds me of the joke about a haunted church and the live-in priest who kept hearing an echoing voice, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!" The priest was scared. One evening he was in the study and heard it again, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!"  He got up, went in the other room to grab a candle stick or anything for a weapon and as he walked it got louder. So he followed it up the stairs and further up the stairs, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!" and further up the stairs and the voice got louder, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!" and it got louder and louder. Finally, the priest was at the top of the bell tower and knew that the voice was just on the other side of the door. He opened the hatch and slowly peeked his head through the opening to find a monkey sitting on the ledge picking his nose and every time he had a booger on his finger he'd say, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!"

Even though I understand that my wishes have no pull on the outcome of this kid and that no matter what I wish for things are good the way God intended. Later on he is going to do algebra and I will pass it along to mommy because I used to copy her homework when we were in school. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that if he doesn't crawl tomorrow, then he will just learn to crawl another day. I should take comfort in that because if I want him to crawl today that means when he does I will have something go against me. This just means that I will have to take it in stride and enjoy Ryan's pace for a while. If he isn't driving by 12 months, I won't panic, I'll just redo my strategic development plan. My solution is to not push or wish, but rather sit back and watch him ignore me while he monkey grips is soccer ball like a venus fly trap. He'll stare down that ball with predatory crossed-eyes and just before he sinks his gums into the the toys cuddly flesh, I will pretend he is thinking, "now I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya!"

Relay For Life, 2011

June 12th, 2011

How do you teach something as important as honor, to your kid? I have thought about it over and over. It's hard to explain to someone just how to teach something you feel inside like respect, honor or love?  It can't be easy or I wouldn't react to most of the kids today by shaking my head. I have seen many kids today and they only honor themselves, respect the Nintendo and love Hot Pockets or Jersey trash from MTV. Everything I have thought about leads to, 'it comes naturally' or 'teach through example'. So how do I teach Ryan such important traits like honor and respect? Since waiting around for it to happen naturally sounds lame and lazy, I guess I am going to make sure that I am always expressing the importance. How do I do this, I think to myself? I know, I will show him in through the wonderful world of cartoon. Yeah! I will draw a cartoon Anteater and his trials of being teased because he looks different and how he....no, that sounds too cliche. Maybe a cartoon praying mantis is fatherless (and headless) and tell about his battle of resentment he has towards his mother and how he misses his father and he does something special to remember his father and....WAIT!  What the hell am I doing? This is important. I can't "cartoon" my way through this, even if I did come up with a really genius children's book idea. (Any use of this entry or any pictures, cartoon ideas, characters, or children's book ideas without Chris "The Genius" Steeno's consent is strictly prohibited) Nope, I have to front this head-on. Verbal will be good. Expressing the importance is great verbally, but I will have to follow it up with action. This shouldn't be that hard considering we do about a trillion different charity events and volunteer our time to almost everyone in the world. We are like Bono, but with out the Celtic accent, red glasses and the ability to sell millions of records of moaning and whining to the Edge's ax.

This leads me to the subject of today's entry: Relay for Life. Relay for Life is an event that is very important to me, my family and friends. Every year some of my favorite peeps on the planet get together and raise money to fight Cancer. In June, we camp out our local school along with a bunch of other teams and walk the track for 24 hours. The idea is cancer never sleeps so neither do we. Our team is the Screwballs and we raise almost $4000 this season which puts us near $25,000 overall since 2007.  (See pics at "I am a Screwball" in Say Cheese )  

With all that said you may wonder why this is so important. Well besides Ang has been Relaying for 16+ years to honor her mother, Ryan's Nana, Ang is a Survivor herself (read about Ang's cancer battle by clicking here). In 2006 when Ang was diagnosed, I made a vow that I would fight so that one day folks won't have to endure the crap Ang went through. In 2006 I started the Screwballs of America, a charity organization, with my friend Brian. We didn't want it to be dark, depressing or sad, we wanted to have fun and raise money for charity. We felt that we needed to celebrate the lives of the ones we have lost as well as celebrate or survivors. Then our slogan was born, "Fun in the Name of Charity!" The team consists of my me, Brian, my brother, sister, Shanda, and a big smelly bunch of our great friends. Yes, we are a bunch of goofy idiots, but we have big hearts. Now Ang is a Screwball and I love relaying with her every year. This year was especially meaningful because this was Ryan's first Relay. Ryan is our miracle. Due to Cancer Ryan was our third shot and here he is, 18lbs of chub. It was so nice to have him out at Relay. He had so much fun playing with his friends on the Beekman, taking his laps around the track and experiencing his first Luminaria Ceremony.  Little man never fussed while he was out there and if he did, it was probably because had a huge blow out in his Relay onsie - gross dude!  It was nice too and it was hand made by his good friends Missy and Mel Gaddo......his Relay Aunts. How rude Ryan! I'll spank him, but I will wait until he takes a bath. 
In all, this year's Relay was fantastic. Not just because of all the success raising funds or the honoring our loved ones, but because Ryan was able to be a part of the experience. I loved walking my fat baby around the track, even if it was just a few miles of my 42 miles or a few hours in my 24 hour journey. As we took our Survivor Lap at the start with Ang, I remember thinking, "Can life get any better than walking with your son, honoring his mother?" Later that night we lit a Luminaria for Ang "4 Mommy!" and we walked along the track looking at all the people everyone was honoring or remembering that night. Ryan is living, pooping proof that miracles can happen to good people. Good people honor their mommy, respect what she went through to get him here and love her for it.............I guess my answer was right in front of me, I just needed to understand. Honor comes with having someone in which to respect and have a love strong enough to desire to honor. My guess is Ryan will be just fine as long as we keep doing things like Relay and I continue to surround him with big hearts like the Screwballs, the Gaddo's and his Mommy. Wait a second, did I just write my children's book? 

We Celebrated: 
Ang, Nana, G'ma Steeno, Aunt Chris, Gran, Pop, Aunt Diane, Tony Chaves, John Young, Steve Cooper, Mel 
We Honored: 
G'ma Carter, Shelly Sharp, Cory Cross, Wayne Milner, Jay Koontz

Unusual Weather We're Having, Ain't It?

May 25th, 2011

A tribute to the tornado victims of the Midwest
Recent events remind me of The Wizard of Oz. Sure without the green, pardon me, emerald towers and witches, but the movie none-the-less. I am not sure what part of the world you live, but it seems that tornadoes are synonymous with the movie where I am from. It is no mistake that Dorothy is from Kansas because Baum knew that is tornado country. Over the past week there have been an ungodly amount of tornadoes sweep through the Midwest. The real Midwest, where corn grows and tornadoes flourish. This is where we raise our kids, this where I raise my kid....crap! Missouri, Oklahoma and now Indiana all hit with devastation. I wish the worst thing that would happen in a tornado event is we'd get swept off to a magical land and we can just click my heels to get home. I wish I was actually asleep, no one was hurt and the only damage was the door tore off the picket fence.  Welp, it doesn't happen that way partners. What we are left with after these things, absolute devastation. The weather peeps try and warn us, but just short of saying, "today is going to partly cloudy with a 80% chance of life altering devastation," the best they can do is radars, alerts and warning horns. God bless them for what they do or the death toll could be in the thousands.  

     I am sitting in my office, down the hallway, across from the bathroom. I am watching my wife sleep on the floor wrapped in a blanket next to Ryan, who is sleeping soundly strapped in his car seat. It is around 11pm and we are having the worst storms roll through. I am following intently on the the computer, surfing the different radars...zoom in...zoom out. I am also half watching the always cute Angela Buchman tell us the hot spots of the storm and reporting the damage. Meanwhile 20 miles to the south my friend Alayna and I are texting back and forth. I tell her the status of my household and she shares with me the same thing. She has a boy that is going to be on Ryan's soccer team in 3 years named Ben. He used to be a porker like Ryan but has since thinned out a bit, but he is four months older. In a text she said, "do you ever wonder if our kids think 'who ARE these people' at times like this?" I totally get what she is saying. She is right, I bet the boys were thinking, "I was sleeping in my bed and now I'm in my car seat in the bathroom with you, the (insert pet's name here) and all the blankets while daddy monitors the radar!" Funny if you think about it, but i would venture to say we are not alone in this 'tornado protocol' meaning there are probably lots of households doing the same thing. Just think if we acted like Dorothy we would carry our baby around outside while we see the twister off in the distance and just call for your aunt,  try to lure her out in the open and get sucked up in the vortex. Anybody else think it was stupid for Dorothy, with dog in tow, to go in the house and sit by the window? Heelllooo, we clearly saw the tornado coming in the distance. Times like this is when your fatherly instincts kick in and you make sure you do everything you can to keep your kid safe. I put Ryan in the car seat, strapped him in and when the thing finally got here I'd put him in the tub and throw a blanket over us. I figured if that car seat is good enough to keep him safe in my truck going 65mph, it is the best thing I have in this situation. Honestly, if you want my opinion, I would suggest a kit of some kind with bottles, formula/breast milk blankets, flashlight, batteries, radio, cell...you get the idea and put it all in a Tupperware bin. That way if you do get hit, the stuff is dry and together.....who knows if you end up somewhere over the rainbow you can hock your stuff to the Scarecrow and that puss of a lion to get to Oz instead of skipping with them down a yellow road. Could you imagine if the Lion had kids and was in the tornado? You saw how he acted when it snowed in the poppy field...."Unusual Weather We're Having, Ain't It?" and then he fell asleep. Meanwhile all the lion cubs would be sucked up in the twister - get a car seat Lion, geez!

    I couldn't imagine what it is like to have a big twister hit your house and see all your life spread across the neighborhood. My heart goes out to Joplin and like towns across the country. It is awful to have to rebuild your home, but to rebuild your community is just devastating. I put Ryan's wooden cross from the church in his car seat as he slept in the bathroom. I wish I had one big cross I could have put across Missouri, Oklahoma or Indiana this week. I guess the optimist in me keeps saying, "be thankful that is was not worse", but I hear the stories and it is hard to fathom "worse".  The sun always comes out after a storm and you can see a rainbow off in the distance succeeding the tornado. That is when the people come out and come together, reconnect and rebuild. Just when you think all hope is lost Midwesterners find the energy and the hope to go on and put things back in order. Great people can overcome great adversities. One day soon, after the rumble is cleared and the communities are back in gear, some dad will be pointing out a rainbow and tell the story of the tornado of 2011. Ryan is such a sweet thing, I would never want him to go through something like that, but I'd like to think if he did he would be strong like the folks of these towns. I'd also like to think if he did go through a tornado, he'd end up with the Munchkins for a spell. At least he would be able to come home and teach his old man how to tap dance while licking a giant lollipop!

Baby the Hutt, You're Our Only Hope!

May 14th, 2011

Dearest readers, I need your help. I have a problem and I don't know the best way to handle it due to the sensitivity of the subject. See, it is about someone I love most in the world, but I haven't known this person very long. This is why it is so important I do this right. I am not sure how sensitive he is yet and due to our new/"green" communication, I really don't want to damage our relationship. My problem is Ryan is adding some baby fat to his baby fat.  Okay, stop. I am not helping him if I can't be honest about it or if I sugar coat the issue, so, I just need to come out and say it - Ryan is faaaaat! I mean a real roly-poly. He looks like an opened can of biscuits with rubber bands wrapped on his arms and legs. He has the makings of a shar-pei puppy or it is like the Michelin Man had a kid and gave him to us. When he is waking in the morning and protrudes his triple chins during his stretches, he looks like Jabba the Hutt. I hope this snippet helps you see how serious this situation is and why I have to address it now rather than when it is too late. If I don't act now Michelle Obama may come take him from us and put him on a fat farm. Worse yet, she may tell Ang that she can no longer give Ryan a toy with his Boobie-Meal if she doesn't start producing skim-milk instead of her cheesecake lactate. Maybe in her childhood obesity program we can form a marriage with the Dr. Brown's bottle company. We can ask them to make a huge storage unit that holds the milk and filters the fat from the breast milk. This way when Ryan eats, he is just getting water or skim milk. Sounds genius to me.  I will get the ball rolling on that right away-maybe call it the Super Duper Lactate Shooter....a work in progress.
  As I try and face this head-on I feel that I am limited with my options. On one hand I want him to start losing weight, but I don't want to push him away. Maybe if he'd start working out more. Double his tummy time on the Beekman or longer bouts in the Bumbo to work more on his core . (hmm, I am now a poet) These however are not real fat burners so the fat won't just "melt away" like Dan Marino says in his South-Beach-Jenny-watchers ad. Hard-core workout? No dice, Ryan's legs are too much like jelly for the elliptical machine. Also, I am afraid if I tell him to do these things that I am not really teaching him to be self-motivator or learn to deal with challenges on his own? I guess my next option is that I could set up an intervention of sorts. Maybe gather Ang, Frankie, Azzie and Duckie (our cats) to sit him down and face this head on. Frankie can tell him that she just doesn't now him anymore and then start weeping. Azzie can tell Ryan how disappointed he is that Ryan is over eating, not leaving enough for the rest of the family. Maybe Duckie can give him pointers on how she retains her girlish figure year after year. Ang will tell him she is not jealous that he has Princess Leia hand feeding him grapes, now that she is chained to his crib (in perfect Jabba the Hutt fashion), rather he needs to stick to the breast milk. Maybe after this intervention he will see the error of his over eating and start a more figure-friendly diet.
  I just might need a better look at this.....a new perspective. Can being chubbers have its advantages. Let's look at TV and movies - would Tommy Boy be as funny if Chris Farley was skinny? How stupid would it be if Abbott and Castello were two skinny guys? Has Al Roker been as funny or entertaining since his gastric bypass surgery? Healthier yes, but not as entertaining. Outside of the big screen, there are big successful people that are chubby and seem to be doing just fine. Take Guy Fieri, he has two successful restaurants and five television shows (not to mention he is rocking some cool bleached spikes in his wig.) Greats like Joey Fatone, Homer Simpson, Oprah and Santa Claus are some other examples that you can rock the pudge and be just fine. So I guess there can be advantages to the chub, but Brad Pitt doesn't help my case here.
  I know what you are gonna say: Chris, Ryan is just a baby, he'll thin out. Will he? Well,  I need it to happen now. You guys don't have to carry him around. It is like carrying a wiggling, kicking, farting Thanksgiving turkey - not fun! Also, you all aren't giving him baths. I spend at least 15 extra minutes washing under each one of his fat rolls. I have to arch his back just to wash under his chin(s). No joke. Krista, my sis-in-law, told me to "floss" his neck with the wash cloth. Genius! Welp, I guess this is a battle he is just going to have to fight for himself. Should he really be snacking during the night? Should he tell his Mommy, "Hey I am not going to eat and then go straight to bed!" I joke and I kid around because the next time our little Baby the Hutt wants to eat, we'll say heck yeah, anything for you Mr. Chubbers.  I really don't care either way. Honestly, he isn't even that fat, just getting very chubby. It is funny to see considering how little he was just 3 months ago. Ryan is still the cutest baby on the planet (as all parents say) and I wouldn't want him any other way than how we have him. He is a perfect, handsome boy, just has a few more rolls and couple more chins. So no matter what, whether he is Al Roker or Brad Pitt he is still going get the toy in his happy-boobie meal and wash it down with the Dr. Brown's, Super Duper Lactate Shooter. 


See his pics at Say Cheese! and see how our corpulent cutie is filling out:)

Happy Mother's Day!

May 8th, 2011

The greatest miracle of all is the only way I can describe the birth of Ryan. Miracle? You may say that all births are miracles, and I understand. The birth itself is a miracle, but the story of Ryan getting here is the miracle. Since it is Mother's Day, I felt it only appropriate to honor the best woman I know and to explain the journey it took in order for Ang to even experience her first Mother's Day.  First, I must tell you that Ang is a wonderful, selfless person. She is truly the most genuine person I know. That makes this story all the more wonderful. 

We all know the story that Ang and I meet in math class in high school. I never knew that God put her there for a reason, but thank God. If I have ever done anything right (which I doubt there is much), it was never letting her get away. We were married in 1996 and went through a great journey through up's and down's. We have the best relationship. Even after almost 20 years I still look at her and just want to hug the crap out of her. (romantic, right?) I love her! Well in the summer of 2006 we found out we were pregnant and this was quickly followed by losing the baby. To top that we discovered that it was a molar pregnancy which had turned to Cancer in her uterus and rapidly spread to her lungs. I can remember the drive home the next day and getting the call from Dr.Hwang telling us the tests were positive and that Ang was going to need a heavy regiment of chemotherapy. I can't imagine how Ang felt at that time, but all I knew is this sweet wife of mine was scared. I soon found out just what a fantastic woman she is because she took this Cancer head on. What a bad ass: bald head- bring it on, sick nights- bring it on,  lose of feeling- bring it on!  There was the most scary episode in the October when the Cards won the World Series, her counts got alarmingly low and she was the the girl in the bubble for a week or so. She was a champ. After months and months of Chemo she was finally cleared. We lived the life for a while, she let her hair grow back out, she got fit and she was back on top of the world. A couple years later we had another ordeal similar to before, but without the heavy Chemo. Unable to grasp if these were happening because of trend or chance, we sought the advice of every doctor from the Midwest to the East Coast trying to figure if we should try and have kids again. Well the Spring of 2010 we found out we were pregnant again. Third times a charm, right? Well it turned out to be just that- not only was it a charm, but a freaking miracle. A true miracle in every since of the meaning. 

Ryan came to us January 23rd, 2011 and Ang became a mother. Ever since that day she has been the best mommy. It was like she was born to do be a mother, it just came natural. She and Ryan have the best time together. He just lights up when ever he sees her. Mommy!! When he came out they had an instant bond. She glowed and at that time I knew she finally felt complete (or something like that anyway.) The first few seconds with him and they were already playing.  The first thing she said was, "heello my baby boy, I am your Mommy."

When we were in the hospital room she never wanted him out of the room. No nursery for Ryan. She was gonna be with her bear cub the entire time and never out of her sight. 

Once we were home and she was on maternity leave, she and Ryan hung out ALL day long. They became best friends. She discovered her first challenge as a mother: Colic.  Ryan was a colic baby for the first month. Late nights, long days of crying and fussing. We couldn't seem to find the right remedy to cure this crying. Ang stayed up late rocking her baby boy hoping he'd sleep long enough for her to get some sleep too.

Ang found out that chores were still something that had to get done so she recruited one of the finest workers to help her with her laundry. Ang loves folding laundry (well that is what I say so I don't have to do it) He has been a big help around the house. Ang is doing great at multi-tasking.

One milestone in raising Ryan was his doctor visits and shots. During his first shots, I think Ang was more nervous than Ryan, mostly because he is clueless what is about to happen.  The doc gave him the poke in the leg he was crying and sad. The lioness comforted her cub as only she can. 

Ang has always loved babies and baby clothes. She had bought Ryan clothes before she even knew the gender. She gets the biggest kick out of dressing him up. Here is a great example her dressing the boy. She proudly displays him in his one-piece skunk suit. By the way, she lays his clothes out every night so she knows exactly how cute he is going to look the next day.

Carrying on traditions is important to teach Ryan. She has gone as far as to make sure he learns family traditions early. Ang and I have always gone to St. Louis Cardinals games in the summer and Packers games in the winter. She made sure that during the Super Bowl he was in his Packers onesie and last week she got him his first Cardinals hat. Go Cards! Go Pack Go! Go Mommy!

No matter what, I know Ang is going to continue to be a great mother. Ryan is always going to need his mommy, so I am glad that she want to be with him all the time. She deserves this so much. I don't throw that around loosely, deserve. She has really been a great mother and our little man is going to be a great person because of her.  I pray he grows up to get her smarts, her sense of humor, the ability to be practical and most of all her genuine love. I hope that he realizes one day what a miracle he actually is and what lengths a great mother will go through to deserve that miracle. Happy Mother's Day Boo!




(see "Say Cheese" to view pics of Ang's 1st Mother's Day)




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When You're Smiling

April 18th, 2011

Oh the horror! Just when things couldn't get any better. I have heard stories, but never thought it would happen to my baby. Please take my advice and do not go anywhere near my boy! Somehow I got it and now Ang has it -this is some serious stuff. I am about to contact the government to see if we need a quarantine, martial law or a special alert level needs to be announced. If you have been around Ryan anytime during the past 3 months I think you should go see your family physician and have some test run to see if you have caught this infectious...virus or disease. In case you can not get into the doctor's office for a bit, maybe you can do a self examination and check for these symptoms. One symptom  is if you are looking in the mirror and each end on your mouth is curved up towards your ears and the middle part of your lips stay still. Another is a warm tingle in your heart - this is how I found out Ryan gave it to me.  The one symptom that is the hardest to distinguish is a spontaneous outburst of vocal noises (similar to a machine gun or a long run of "a" sounds). It is the hardest to distinguish because some people confuse it with Tourette Syndrome. I assure you, you can try and control it or act like it doesn't affect you, but it will.  So you are probably wondering if I am going to tell you what Ryan has and I think I owe it to you, but once I tell you - do not underestimate its power. Ryan suffers from Vultus Contangere or Contagious Smile....although he doesn't seem to be suffering. If you feel like relieving your stress, having perma-grin, lowering your blood pressure, constantly being in a good mood, sudden urge to squeeze a baby, uncontrollable love and/or a warm tingly heart, by all means go ahead hang out with Ryan and catch his infectious smile. No time is a bad time. Day or night, come on over and get your fix.  Don't say I didn't warn you though. Don't come crying to me when your face hurts so bad from smiling all day you need a pain pill to mask the pain. What is a dad to do? Should I sew on a warning label on him somewhere?

Your best offense is a good defense. Soooo, with that in mind and you absolutely have to go around Ryan, I will brief you on how I got it and you can try to figure the best approach. One morning in February I was getting up to start the day and routinely went over to the bassinet to get Ryan up. I tickled him on his chin, "good morning Mr. Dude!"  He then sweetly opened up his eyes (Don't look, that is how he lures you in, it is a trick) and then he spreads the biggest smile across his face. Talk about a warm tingly heart. It just makes you melt. From then on I have had perma-grin and a warm heart. I haven't been able to shake it since. What's worse, this kid smiles and laughs ALL the time. I am doomed! The only time he fusses is to eat or change a diaper and even then the fusses are more like loud laughs. Even when I know his tummy is uncomfortable from unreleased toots or has a full diaper he still trys to smile through his frown - it is the funniest thing. As I often mention, Ang and I will just sit and watch him no matter what he is doing. He is our favorite sitcom. We get the biggest kick that this kid just smiles in his sleep. Sometimes, like his Mom, he will be in a deep sleep, sigh and let out the loudest laugh/coo followed by the smile. He smiles in the bath tub, smiles in through his pacifier, smiles during a Pampers change, he even smiles during Yo Gabba, Gabba....okay, so do we. The dude is absolutely funny.  

Seriously, why are smiles contagious? I don't know for sure, but something about Ryan will absolutely fill your heart. Maybe it is God just giving us simple joy. It says in Numbers 6:24-26, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace." Maybe that is the simple answer. What ever it is, I am glad. Amazing how something so simple can bring so much happiness. Ryan is our world and we are glad that it is smiling....at least until the next dirty diaper.


Go to Say Cheese and see Smiling!




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WHEN YOU'RE SMILING
by Louis Armstrong


When you're smiling
When you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you

When you're laughing
When you're laughing
The sun comes shining through

But when you're crying
You bring on the rain
So stop your sighing
Be happy again

Keep on smiling
Cause when you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you

Mommy says knock you out!

April 4th, 2011

There comes a time in a mans life when he has to admit something to himself. A time in which a man comes through with the truth, fess up. This is one of those times. I really feel that if I am just honest with myself, I can reap the benefits of an honest life.....so here goes. My son is the strongest baby alive! There I said it, wait, it feels weird, but a good weird. Oh my gosh this is so liberating. I feel that all this weight has been lifted and the heavens are opening up to shower me with peanut butter cups and beer. Okay let me pause to regroup (pausing...) Maybe I am getting carried away. I know you are thinking this dad's lost it, but I know it will never shower beer or Reese's. However, it does not stop me from wondering, how strong can a baby be...how strong should he be? I keep thinking that I should call Guinness Book of World Records or send them a picture proving Ryan is the strongest baby in the world. By the way I am talking physical strength, not odor potency ....you know...dirty diapers, but he did have that one...never mind. Do I really think he is the strongest kid ever, no, but that doesn't discount his strength. He has held his head up from day one, he kicks like a freaky Bruce Lee against a flock O ninjas and punches like Rocky Marciano in a street fight. He is not a lean, mean, fighting machine. He is more of a chubby, drooling pooping machine. I will confess though, he gives me a fit trying to fasten his diapers, "get your blasted leg down Ryan, I am tying to fasten your diaper!" I am going to have to start changing into my catchers gear just to change his diaper. He reminds me of one of those boxing kangaroo's that you see in a Charlie Chaplin film or a Little Rascals episode. You know the kangaroo that has on boxing gloves, balances on his tail and kicks the boxer in the ring. Funny right? Not if you are trying to close the diaper before your baby, pretending to be a cherub statue in a fountain, can pee on your shirt five minutes before you have to leave for church. Maybe i should find one of those kangaroo's and teach it to change diapers and to dress my little Chuckie Norris. My money is still gonna be on Ryan in this kangaroo match-up. The kangaroo has just three moves whereas Ryan has an infinite arsenal of kicks and jabs not to mention the secret weapon....the gas bomb. If this fight went down it would have to sounds something like this:


"Laaadies aaand Gentleman, we have a real treat this evening." "It is a battle of pooch vs pouch, wallaby vs poopie, marsupial vs mammal, joey vs. jowls, this is the big ticket match you have been waiting for all evening." "In the blue corner weighing in at 180 pounds with a record of 10-0 all in the form of knockouts, from the great down under (under where?) the Australian Stallion, Joey Kangaroooooooo!" "In the red corner, weighing in at a whopping 12 pounds 3.5 ounces with a record of 0-653 all resulting in diapers being fastened, from the home state of Orville Redenbacher, the Diaper Dominator, Ryan Carter Steeeeeennooooo!" From there it would be a whirlwind of well trained fighters fighting there hearts out. I can see the roo propping up on his tail going in for the double kick and Ryan dodging it because he is on the ground just swinging and kicking. Remember he is just a baby and he can not even walk or roll over yet. The kangaroo misses and the force would just swing him around, causing him to lose his balance and fall down. Just when the kangaroo realizes that he fell within two inches of Ryan's legs he can not react fast enough to escape the incoming kick. The kick causes the kangaroo to see stars. Remembering that his mommy/trainer just gave him Mylicon drops in the corner Ryan quickly conjures up the secret weapon. Releasing the gas bomb a few inches from the poor roo's snout. BOOM! the roo finds himself disoriented unable to continue. Just then the referee falls to the mat to give the 10 count when the fumes hit him. He becomes disoriented and passes out. After the bell rings, the air clears, and everyone comes to, Ryan walks...well is carried away with his first ever win by way of flatulent knockout. 


I guess we need to soak it in now, these are the sweet years. The times where his kicks are cute and can't cause damage. They cause funny splashes in the tub because he loves bath time. Kicks because he is so excited about being on the Beekman. He is growing before my eyes. I love watching him discover that he can kick the air and swing his little arms. He squawks and coos in laughter at himself. So I guess we will soak it in now because before we know it, he is going to be scuffing it up on the play ground, and it won't be so funny. Funny how I keep thinking he is growing up so fast, but just 9 weeks ago he was kicking and punching as the little joey inside mommy's pouch. (sigh)  I am over reacting, huh? Things are not really changing that fast, so I can put away the catcher's gear and the phone number for the Guinness Book people, for now. Too bad, I was really looking forward to the peanut butter cups and beer.